Tomorrow we head to the hospital. It's time for Joshua's yearly long term follow up appointment at Childrens Mercy Hospital. It has been over 12 years since my Joshua was diagnosed with Stage 4 Neuroblastoma. We head back tomorrow for them to monitor any long term effects of the cancer we affectionately named "the monster".
Tonight I was preparing Joshua for the appointments. I went through his medical history with him because the long term clinic wants him to learn to manage his own medical care. They will be asking him the questions instead of mom. Joshua was somewhat shocked by his medical history. He was a bit blown away by 8 rounds of chemo, tumor resection, stem cell transplant, 28 rounds of radiation, 8 rounds of monoclonal mouse antibodies and 4 rounds of accutane. He said...wow...too bad I had to do all that. I just smiled at him and said I'm so glad he did. I went on to explain that I was so glad we had each been given the opportunity to be changed by God during those 2 difficult years. I told him how God had walked with us and changed the inner parts of our souls to make us into the people we are today.
In true Joshua form he said "mom I learned something from God too." I learned that when I go through hard times, I need to respect His will. I need to stop questioning His plan and believe that He has my best plan in mind. Then he repeated the importance of respecting Gods will.
And tonight ... thats what I'm pondering. Do I respect His will? I'm afraid I have allowed myself to get used to being OK with questioning His plan. If the unimaginable happens tomorrow, Would I respect His will or question it? I know and believe that God understands my questions. He isn't threatened by my questions or angered by them. But, oh the joy it would bring him if I would simply respect His will without the doubts and without the questions. He is pleased by my trust in Him and He has promised He will never let me down. Joshua has been through cancer and survived. He seems to understand that without issue. I'm praying His mom understands the same soon!