1 Timothy 2:8
I desire therefore that in every place men should pray, without anger or quarreling or resentment or doubt [in their minds], lifting up holy hands.
Today God has been asking me to pray. I know I need to, but somehow I keep struggling with the follow through in this area. I had recently made some steps forward in this area as I had new motivation to pray for Bethany. I really felt like I had figured out a few things until recently...I have stopped doing it. As I examine my motives...I am tired of fighting. It takes a whole lot to fight for the soul of an individual and lately I've chosen to not get into the ring. That means I am very selfish and that deep down I am dealing with doubts. I know and believe that prayer is the answer, but when it doesn't trickle down to effect my actions...doubts have to be the reason.
This afternoon I had the chance to visit with Craig's mom. We were talking about Christmas shopping. Now last year, she almost ended up in the hospital due to the stress of shopping for everyone so I was trying to convince her today about the ease of shopping at Amazon.com:) She is not a computer kind of gal and doesn't own one that works. She listened politely, but couldn't keep the doubts at bay. She doubted everything I was telling her and barely agreed to come try it out. So...tomorrow afternoon, I am showing my mother in law how to shop online. It will be interesting to see if the perceived benefits will outweigh her doubts. I hope they do because she really doesn't need to shop those hours and hours in the next month. I feel like I have an answer for her pain, but her doubts might keep her from finding the joy.
That must be what God is feeling. He must wonder how long I will keep entertaining the doubts about prayer making a difference. He must say to Himself..."I wish she would just believe and act on that belief." I want to unlock the doors to these vast blessings in their life and she is content to sit behind the locked door.
Father...please help me overcome my doubts and unbelief. I want to believe you and I want to believe everything in regards to talking to you. Help me love others enough and believe you enough to be willing to stay in the ring. I don't ever want out...give me the strength to fight for your glory!